Mr Shpics is a firm believer in making the best of yourself…..

He never leaves the house without a subtle bit of back-combing, a dab of the old spot-concealer, a colour enhancing cheek-tweak and maybe even a few minutes of sexy pout practice in the hallway mirror just in case he runs into Milla Jovovitch…….BUT!

Smartening yourself up can go a bit far………

Take for example the fairground at Stourport on Severn….

Back in the day, this was your common or garden, bog-standard, chewing gum be-spattered, chip wrapper strewn, stick to the soles of your shoes, typical English fairground. Nothing better, nothing worse. In the midlands of the 1960’s, this was one of a very few possible Sunday outings, and many is the time that the infant Mr Shpics found himself  thrust onto the waltzers by his inebriated mother, (always somewhat inclined to cruelty), only to stagger off three minutes later with candyfloss in his hair and his dungarees covered in vomit to find her with her tongue down the throat of some greasy haired gypsy who smelled of stale beer and fags.

Oh to be young again!

But enough reminiscing!

What on earth has happened to Stourport’s fair?

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Not content with a bit of a sweep-up and a quick squirt of air-freshener, the owners, who are obviously in league with the devil, have administered the funfair equivalent of an elixir of youth..Every pole, every step, every bill board, every single surface is brightly painted, every inch of ground is covered with super-soft, super-squeaky-clean rubberised matting, ( matting that wouldn’t show blood….I’m not stupid), pristine flags flutter in the breeze, even the litter is neatly folded and ironed……..(well probably, I didn’t  see any  actual litter even though the smell of freshly cooked hot-dogs and honey sweet toffee apples floated on the air)…

I tell you IT WAS WEIRD!

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It’s got to be some kind of Stephen King’ish funfair scenario where unsuspecting revelers get whipped back in time to an alternative nineteen-sixties, where they’re gang-raped by aliens dressed as clowns and fed to giant spiders…

NO WAY A FUN FAIR SHOULD BE THIS CLEAN AND TIDY…..

IT MUST BE EVIL  !!!!!

I was there for a good forty minutes, and though I’m sure I heard the laughter of children….. I didn’t see a single one !!

Still, on a clear day it does make a nice picture.

Give the pics a click, they’re loads betta bigga.

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All Images Copyright Stuart Allan Hyde.

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